Drowning Our Fears
I almost drowned.
It happened what feels like a lifetime ago in Liberia, where I had lived for a short period of time in 2009 post-graduate school.
In summary, with the top lines: Liberia's coast line is filled with dangerous rip currents. I ignored this fact and went swimming anyway. I got stuck in a rip current and floated adrift for over an hour while locals tried to rescue me. I eventually found a way out of the current and swam in on my own.
I find the latter part of the story to be the most poignant and it still resonates with me to this day.
My near drowning struck a chord. I love the water - always have - and, frankly, this experience scared the shit out of me for years. And then I discovered SUP four years later and I had to face the trauma all over again and learn to conquer my fear and anxiety of the water.
Sure, I could hop on a board and paddle around flat, calm water. But throw me onto a board on a moving river and that was another story. I could barely swim in the ocean without feeling a tightness in my chest.
The DC area is home to some of the best whitewater paddling in the country. Just 15 or so miles from the White House is Great Falls National Park and just below is Mather Gorge, which is home to a series of rapids and river waves, depending on the water level.
When I first began paddling in 2013 there was a lot of external pressure for me to get out on the whitewater. I may have been intrigued by the idea, but I definitely wasn't all that interested.
Eventually I conceded and dipped my toes into the Potomac.
It wasn't easy, and Scott certainly witnessed a panic attack or two. I'm sure he's scarred by the vision of me clinging desperately to a rock at the put-in while crying, hyperventilating, and screaming at him over the sound of roaring water.
But it was important for me to conquer this fear. Just as I had fought that rip current for 60 minutes off the coast of West Africa and swam my way to shore, I needed to push away that lump of anxiety that gripped my chest from the inside and use my skills to paddle this water. With a rapidly beating heart, I had to use my knowledge - my educated, well-taught brain - not to get out of this one, but to get into it.
The key to this, as it was in those warm African waters, was remaining calm and trusting myself.
How cliché. How simple.
But, it's true. How many times do we let our fear prevent us from accomplishing something? How many races do we want to compete in but never sign up for? How many start lines do we approach but hang toward the back of the pack because we think we're just not good enough? How many opportunities are we missing because we're afraid to take a chance on something new?
I've witnessed and experienced an amazing number of spectacular things in life because I've let go of the fear and anxiety that held me back.
Yes, we learn along the way. I've been taught, coached, and mentored by some of the best SUP professionals out there (with companies like Potomac Paddlesports and RVR 2 RVR, and clinics with professionals like Danny Ching, Chuck Patterson, April Zilg, Annabel Anderson) but the initial push it took to get out there rested solely on my ability to take the first step.
And, since taking that first step, since letting go of my crippling fear, I've been able to proudly say I've competed (and failed miserably) in ocean races. And, I can proudly say I've paddled in whitewater and surfed river waves.
Photo: Heather Jackson Photography & Video
Lean on the knowledge and support of others, but never let your fear and anxiety keep you from discovering your own amazing capabilities. You always have the power to get yourself out of life's rip tides.
xox,
M
